Saturday, November 5, 2011

And if our God is for us.....

     Chris Tomlin's song "Our God" has been Emma's favorite song now for many weeks. Everyday we play it during our morning drive into Preschool or to Dee's house (our friend and sitter). She really can rock out to's great. She sings really loud and gets her head bobbing in a good groove "And if our God is for us,then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?" It is really awesome. It has been awesome for me as well, to get that truth into spirit every morning that my God is greater than anything...He is healer, He is stronger, He is higher than any other, and He is AWESOME IN POWER!
It usually takes a song like this to set me straight when I've been off course or not thinking right. The past few weeks have been extremely busy and extremely trying on my soul and my mind.
      We had a wonderful Saturday Oct. 15th at Ohio University for Homecoming. OU is my home away from home. My mom was an alum and started taking me down there for visits when I was very little. There was really no question where I wanted to go to college when the time came to make a decision. It was 4 years of great memories and good friends, and also a place that started a passion in my heart for teaching and sharing my faith when I joined Campus Crusade for Christ. I really love Athens in the fall and there have been very few years where I have not returned in October for Homecoming. It is now such a huge blessing to share this with Troy and Emma and next year little Zoe. I sometimes fear that Emma will be horribly confused about Ohio teams between Troy and I and our Buckeyes and Bobcats :-) She was really scarred when OU played OSU last year and Rufus the Bobcat attacked Brutus the Buckeye. She would tell us that Rufus was really mean....but she left Athens that Saturday with a Rufus doll that she now cherishes and sleeps with so I guess...all is forgiven:-) I always think of my mom when we are down in Athens....she loved OU so much and would cry everytime the Marching 110 took the field. Now I usually cry and can understand why she did now :-) I sure do miss her and will always have a hole in my heart until I see her again.

     Later in the week we went for another check up at OSU and did not have good news. Zoe's fluid levels on the right side continue to grow. One side of her head measures 19 and the other 42. You can imagine the disappointment and fear that grows when you hear this information. It is the same question we all have when things don't go the way we want them to....we are praying for's not coming right now....we are praying that things will be ok...we don't have that answer right now. It really messed with my head and then we had to start answering questions that we haven't really thought about up until this point.  How early will we have to deliver? How long will Zoe be in the hospital? What are we going to do about Emma during this time? How am going to shop for Christmas, get the house ready for Zoe, and prepare for a long term sub at school? How will Zoe's brain develop after the fluid goes away? Will she have severe disabilities? It just kinda felt like everything was closing in around me and to be honest.....I went there and just kinda felt sorry for myself for a while. I prayed, but felt no relief...I just couldn't get my head straight. But what is truly awesome is that even during this short period of time, God was listening and ready to answer and provide.
     Last week, we got to visit Children's Hospital in Columbus and met some pretty amazing people. We got to mee our neurosurgeon, Dr. Graundon, who will be putting a shunt in to relieve the fluid in Zoe's brain shortly after she is born. He was a very kind, gentle man who answered as many of our questions as he could right now. Shunting is actually a pretty common procedure for people like him, about 40% of his job, so that made us feel better. We also got to meet a wonderful team of nurses and counselors who will lead us through this journey after Zoe is born. We got to tour the NICU and see all the wonderful services that will be available to us while we are there. I was overwhelmed with love and answer to prayer and a little bit of heaven on earth in the midst of so many worries. We still don't know what is going to happen to Zoe after her shunt is put in, but we feel so much better about the care and love she will receive. I'm so thankful for God's provision for us here on earth. We go back to OSU for another checkup on November 18th and Dr. Landon will probably schedule my csection at that point. We were told that they will probably take her around 36 weeks due to the growing fluid. That puts us to either the week after Christmas or week after New Year's...we will keep you updated.
   In the meantime, we are still believing and still praying for God's healing upon our little Zoe. We still believe that the fluid can dissipate and we still believe that Zoe will have a normal life and normal abilities. We know that God is FOR matter what we see with our eyes or what we are tempted to believe.

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

Every question I have ever had about God's love and intention for me has been answered at the cross and I leave my mind, my worries, and my fears there and let God do the rest. So a big lesson I have learned from my daughter these past few weeks is to be excited about our God and who He is and the He is FOR US. There is another song on the CD called "I Lift My Hands". Our dance ministry at church did this song for our 20th Anniversary celebration and it's another song that Emma can't get enough of right now. This song has also reminded me that through these trying times I need to run to God instead of retreating into my own mind where I try to figure things out and solve all my problems. This leads to nothing but discouragement and defeat, which is not a place I want to live in.  There is a line in the song that speaks it all...."as I pour out my heart these things I remember...You are faith God forever".

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge"
Psalm 62:8

Pouring out my heart to Him and remembering all that He has done through my life brings so much comfort and builds my faith for what is to matter what

"Let Faith Arise"

   Zoe at 25 weeks

Our God

                                                                               I Lift My Hands


  1. Stand up and cheer! I know she watches over Andrew on his time in Athens ..

  2. Jen- I love your heart. I am praying for you and sweet Zoe. I am so sorry you are going through this struggle. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about when you are in "the waiting room" and what it feels like to be there~ tense, cold, lonely, uncomfortable, etc. I pray that as you wait, you would sense the peace, comfort, and love of God. He is right there waiting with you, loving on you every moment- even in those moments you can't feel it. Keep leaning into Him, telling Him all of your concerns, questions, thoughts, and feelings. He will do great things, of this I am sure! I love you dearly girl and wish I could see and hug you today.