A Year Ago Today.....

     It has been way too long since I've written on my blog. We have been so blessed this summer to be home as a family and enjoy Zoe without fevers, infections, and a swollen shunt. She is such a good baby and this busy summer is now coming to a close. I will continue her story where I left off in March eventually, but as I was putting her to bed tonight, the Lord brought some things to my heart and mind that I had to share, no matter how late it kept me up or how emotional  it might make me. I realized that today is August 18th and that a year ago today, Troy and I walked into Dr. Goodarzi's office for a checkup and to find out if we were having a boy or girl. There were no other thoughts going through my head except joy and expectation. As I laid on the table during my ultrasound and saw the pictures of my baby, I knew so little of what the coming year held for us. As the ultrasound tech spent, what I felt, way too long on the baby's head, I had a mother's intuition that something was not right and when Dr. Goodarzi came in a few minutes later, those feelings were confirmed. He said the word that would be said thousands of more times and the word that will always be attached with my little girl....Hydrocephalus. I had never heard this word or had no knowledge of this condition until August 18th, 2011. Dr. Goodarzi was so wonderful and had us booked into OSU Hospital the very next day. Little did I know this would be the first of many trips to OSU for ultrasounds and various other tests. Little did I know these people at OSU would be such an incredible support to us and walk us through this difficult time. Troy and I walked out of Dr. Goodarzi's office in fear and in shock. We sat in our car for a good 1/2 hour and just cried and tried to grasp what had just happened. It was a pivotal point in our lives and in our marriage. It was a time where we were either going to run to God or run from Him. It is at these times when our faith is tested and made pure. Am I going to believe that God is who He says He is and the He loves us? We decided at that moment we were going to trust God and more importantly do what we needed to do with this little life that God had given to us, no matter what happened. It sounds very easy, but walking it out is not.

A year ago today..............
I cried so hard I had a headache
I got on the internet to research a condition I knew nothing about (big mistake)
I hugged Emma a little tighter
I wanted my mom and missed her even more than I thought I ever could
I felt like I was in a deep pit of unanswered questions (sometimes I still feel that way)
I fell deeper in love with my husband
I barely slept
I got to know my Savior better
I could have never known how beautiful my little girl was when I saw her
I could have never known all the wonderful people God would bring into our lives..including the Matheneys, a sweet family that lives in Zanesville that has a child with hydrocephalus and the Elrod family in Georgia who have an amazing foundation that has helped my family and countless others during a difficult time (and make the cutest bracelets!)...not to mention all the Doctors, Nurses, Social Workers, Patient Care Assistants, and Chaplains who became like family to us at Nationwide Children's Hospital
I could have never known that my child would spend more of her life in the hospital than out and go through countless surgeries and all the tears I would cry sitting in waiting rooms, ERs, surgery prep, and hospital rooms.
I could have never known the joy my little girl would bring to us and all who meet her.
I could have never known how much Emma loves her and what a good big sister she would be
I could have never known how her laugh and her smile make everything worth it..........


    Like I said before...I intend to get back to business of recording Zoe's journey, but for right now, I'm going to reflect on how good my God is and how a year ago today, I had a turning point in my faith very similiar to when my Mom passed away. I'm so glad I chose Him and I'm so glad I pressed closer to Him despite the pain and the uncertainties. Faith is messy and it often feels like that scene in Indiana Jones where you don't see anything under you but you step out anyway. He is always there to catch you and wrap you in His arms. God is who He says He is and He is worthy of our complete trust. He is big and strong enough to take all our pain and questions and all our "stuff". One of my favorite quotes is by Corrie Ten Boom who said "There is pit so deep that He is not deeper still".  She said this after being in a concentration camp and losing everything that was precious to her. The truth is that at some point in all of our lives, our foundation will be shaken and what we think and believe will be challenged. God is still working on me and I'm beginning to realize that my biggest enemy is complacency and numbness. I never want to take one moment for granted.

1Thess 5:16-24
"Rejoice always, ¹pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt  but test them all; hold on to what is good,  reject every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful, and he will do it. "

Thank you Lord for "One Year Ago Today" !

Life in the NICU and the Ronald McDonald "Hotel"

     Well, currently Zoe is still in the hospital. We were supposed to have shunt surgery #3 today, but the infectious disease doctors did not clear her over the weekend. Her glucose numbers in her spinal fluid are low, which would mean that something is feeding on it. However, there is no bacteria growing in her cultures that have been drawn every 3 days. Her full MRI last Thursday showed some inflammation in her ventricles which would indicate infection. This is all a mystery that needs to be solved before they can put in a new shunt and we can go home. Yes, it is frustrating and my emotions are all over the place. It is a weird existence right now and we are trying to stay grounded in faith and family. Emma wants to see her baby sister...but can't. I think that is the most frustrating thing. She has had a good time at Grandma's and playing with Ella on weekends, which is a huge blessing and we are grateful. I just want both of my girls home and to begin some sense of normal (whatever that is anymore). It looks like another week in the hospital for us....at least.

       I was supposed to go back to school today. That' a whole other set of emotions and feelings. I love being a teacher and it is what I called to do. My friends and colleagues at Nashport have been AMAZING! They are such a giving and loving group of people. I don't know what we would have done without the money, food, and gas cards they have provided, in addition to the same things given by our church family and relatives. I miss school, but my mind cannot even go there right now...it overwhelms me. My once abundant sick days from 17 years of teaching are dwindling and decisions have to be made. I know the Lord will give me wisdom and strength to do what I need to do. Right now, my Zoe is the priority during the day and my Emma at night (Troy too..haha). Zoe is thriving in the hospital. She is smiling and totally chunking out (she is over 12lbs and doesn't miss a meal!). She is getting physical therapy and is a joy to the nursing staff who fight over her everyday. Last week, I brought in tons of outfits and the nurses have been dressing her like a little babydoll and it makes everything a little easier. Here is a picture of her now before I go back about 7 weeks and tell you about the NICU

 Here is a pic of Emma and cousin Ella this weekend having a snack...she is having a good time

     To go back about 7 weeks, after Zoe's shunt surgery we settled into life in the NICU for the next 8 days. The nurses and doctors were amazing. Zoe got tons of love and attention and we were thankful that Emma got to see her baby sister those first few days before the visitor restriction started. She loved going to the Sibling Clubhouse at the hospital and playing Candyland with us when she wasn't kissing her baby sister. Zoe made progress and the shunt was working and reducing her head size considerably. It is a weird site to see all the bones of your newborn's skull and accepting the fact that it not going to "normal"  for a while. Her bones will progessively fuse and take shape and she will "grow into" her head. It was a huge reality check when I held her for the first time. The weight of her head overwhelmed me and caused fear, but I knew in time the shunt would do it's work and we would adjust to it and learn how to handle her.

      We also stayed that weekend at the Ronald McDonald Hotel...as Emma called it. She LOVED this place....and so did we. We are so thankful for this place. It allowed us to be with Emma and still be there for Zoe. It has everything that home has (and more) Troy loved it because we stayed on the 3rd the first time and the 2nd floor the second time and each floor is completely BUCKEYES! The 3rd floor is football and mostly funded by Jim Tressel (it's hard to have ill will towards him when you see all that he and his family have done) and the 2nd floor is basketball and mostly Thad Matta. VERY COOL! Emma loves Brutus too, so she was also in heaven. I have so much more I could say about this place. It was a little piece of heaven during this time and we will always be thankful.

     We got to go home for the first time on January 18th and we were a bit nervous but excited at the same time. Below are some pictures of our time in the NICU and Ronald McDonald. We also took some time out to take Emma to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D...we met up with Troy's sister Tiff, our bro-in-law Denny, and niece Ella.

Zoe's Shunt Surgery #1

    We are hopefully approaching Zoe's last week in the hospital. We have been told that her shunt will be internalized again Thursday or Friday and then a few days after that, be home again. I am praying with all of my heart, mind, and soul that we will not have to come back and stay here for a very long time! Even though Zoe's stay at Children's has been made easier by the wonderful nurses and PCAs, it has been a long 3 weeks, and to be honest, I am craving some sort of normalcy at home with BOTH of my girls. I was supposed to go back to work next week, but that will not happen. So, we are still in a holding pattern until the next surgery and that's where the story of Zoe's journey picks up......

Thursday, January 12th was a crazy and blessed day. After pretty exhausting night, physically and emotionally, we settled down to try to get as much sleep as we could in a hospital setting. We were told Wednesday night that we could expect a phone call around 6am to let us know when Zoe would be taken for shunt surgery. OSU would release me to leave on a day pass and we needed to know a general time from Children's in order to time out everything well for me to leave...this included pain medication for me while I was gone. The nurses could not give me anything to take with me, so my only pain meds would be administered as I was leaving the hospital. On a side note, I have been very blessed with good recoveries from both of my csections. In fact, my friend Dee told me I was her "C Section Hero" after I had Emma because I only used a few doses of Tylenol 3 when I came home from the hospital. I'm not implying that friend Dee is a wimp or likes prescription drugs (ha ha), but the more I talk to people who have had C Sections, the more I realize that God gave me grace with them, especially with Zoe's.  Anyway, 6:00 am came and went with no phone call, so Troy and I began to pray and after a half an hour I started calling Children's hospital to see if anyone knew anything and of course the answer was "No". Around 7:30 am I finally got a call from the Neurology nurse that they were taking Zoe at that very moment for pre-op......WHAT? To say that we were a bit frustrated was an understatement, but we know that this is the way it goes in a hospital. My nurse at OSU literally put the pills in my mouth and put in the wheelchair and Troy ran to the parking garage to get the car for me. I don't want to scare anyone, but the prospect of not seeing Zoe before her surgery was enough to turn my mild mannered, careful driving husband into the newest addition to the Nascar Circuit! We made it to Children's in record time and in one piece....thank the Lord!
Our Pastor, Michael Bullock, was already there and in my opinion, stalled the process of them taking her to surgery until we got there. I had felt bad all morning that Pastor had gotten to the hospital so early and had to wait, but I now can look back and say that God had already known that this all was going to happen, and made the provision of our Pastor for Zoe. He talked to her, prayed over her, and loved on her until we got there and for that, we will be eternally grateful. We love and respect him so much and we were so grateful for his support that day and many days since!
    We got to pray over her and kiss her a lot before they took her off to surgery and then came the waiting. Our family member came up to wait with us, support us, and pray with us. I was physically feeling pretty good considering I had major surgery less than 48 hours before.....emotionally, I had to yield to God and relinquish control. A little over an hour later, Dr. Grondin came out and told us that everything went well and that he only had to put in one shunt (not three) and believed that the brain tissue was compressed...not missing! We began rejoicing and praising God! The first step in Zoe's journey was over and now she needed to recover. We tried not to think of the next steps, even though it was hard.  Zoe finally got settled and comfy in the NICU with lots of good nurses taking care of her. We went up and spent a little time with her and Emma loved getting to see her sister again. She gave her lots of kisses. I was starting to feel the hurt some and was extremely exhausted so we knew it was time to go back to the hospital. We decided to have Emma stay with us at OSU. I think she was missing us and I was missing her. I am so thankful for the nice hospital room that we had during our stay. When we got back, the nurses informed us that I was only supposed to be gone 4 hours and I had been gone 8....oops! No one had told us that piece of information. No one got into trouble and we all had a good laugh and thanked God for the grace He gave me physically to get through this day. Emma, Daddy, and I slept very well that night. I was getting released the next day and then we were going to the Ronald McDonald house for the weekend. Below is the link to a song that touched my heart during my hospital stay and my time at Children's holding my daughter and loving on her....asking God to bless her, heal her, and give me what I needed now and when I took her home. I have sung it to her a lot since her birth.
The words are so beautiful and I hope it blesses you
My Beloved by Kari Jobe

Here are some pics of the waiting room and Zoe in her head wrap

Zoe's Journey continued....

     Update on Zoe...as of today we are still at Children's waiting on the new shunt to be put into place. She is still on an external drain and on antibiotics. They are taking fluid samples every 3 days and the neuro team is waiting on clearance from the infectious disease team. Zoe is doing extremely well considering she has only been home 10 days of her 7 weeks. She is a content and peaceful baby, unless you change her diaper or she is hungry :-) I am commuting every day during the week after dropping Emma off at Dee's house or preschool. I am thankful that Emma is doing well and in a routine. I think it has helped her a lot. She asks about Zoe and misses her and we say our prayers for her every night. I can't wait until Zoe comes home so that she can have her baby sister again. Troy went back to school last week and I know it has been hard on him to be away. We are doing the best we can to get through this time in our lives. People ask us how we are doing and it is hard to answer...we are doing ok. This is not normal and if feels like life is kind of suspended a bit. Our faith is our strength and it has helped me so much that I have developed such good relationships at the hospital. These nurses, PCAs, and doctors are angels in our lives and the reason we can sleep at night knowing Zoe is in such loving care. I am continuing to keep my heart and head fixed on God and being thankful for all He has done and is going to do.
   
Here is the continuation of Zoe's journey so far.....

  The day after Zoe's birth was a hard one...I was still recovering from my Csection at OSU and my new daughter was across town waiting on shunt surgery and I couldn't see her! Troy went over with his dad to see her and take care of details. I was so thankful that my in-laws stayed with us in Columbus during this first week to help take care of Emma. I was able to see her and love on her and answer her questions. I was also thankful that Emma could see Zoe. Since that first week, Children's has had visitor restrictions due to flu season and she has not been able to visit Zoe. Anyway, having them helped Emma deal with this entire situation and she got showered with lots of attention! Zoe was in the NICU at Children's and that Wednesday, January 11th, she was kept busy with MRIs, CT scans, and ultrasounds to get ready for her shunt surgery. She had lots of love and attention from the NICU nurses and PCAs. We were also blessed to have a wonderful neonatologist, Dr. Whispe. He is a kind man, with a great sense of humor. He was a former teacher who went to Vietnam as a medic and returned home to become a doctor. He also fell in love with Emma and threatened to take her home because he doesn't have any grandchildren yet. The wonderful nurses took pictures of Zoe for me and sent home a beautiful collage with Troy so that I could see her. We now have it framed in our house. My favorite picture taken that day is below
                                        

 
These are her footprints :-)

What made that day bearable for me was my best friend Suz! She drove up from Dayton to spend the day with me. I can't even begin to explain how much I love, appreciate, and miss her. She is the sister I never had and it would take a novel to describe all that she has done for me and how God has used her in my life. We spent the day talking, laughing, crying, and encouraging each other. I don't know how I would have made it through that day without her. She is one of those people that no matter how long we go without seeing each other, when we do, it's like we never were apart. Suz is my crazy, beautiful, and loving sister in Christ. Here is a pic the nurse took of us...I look awful but that's not the point...my soul and heart were full and after she left I felt stronger and uplifted.

When Troy came back from Children's that night, he did not have encouraging news. Dr. Whispe told him that Zoe might have to have up to 3 shunts put into her tiny head. There was 2 pockets of fluid and a cyst and he could not speculate if there was a lot of brain tissue or if the brain tissue was just compressed by the fluid. There were many unknowns and that night I had a serious crisis of faith. I was overcome with fear that I haven't experienced since my mom's illness and death. Fear of the future, of Zoe's prognosis and life overtook my soul. I have to be honest in saying that I felt like I was being punished for wrongs in my life or that I had done something to deserve what was happening. These are all lies from the enemy...lies meant to paralyze our faith and destroy God's peace and plans in our lives. Troy and I cried out to the Lord together and experienced an intimacy with God and each other like no other time in our lives. This night was a night that we were either going to trust God and what He was doing or deny Him. Denying God is not an option for me...I have seen Him do too much in my life and in others. My good friend and mentor Paula helped me a lot that night over the phone as well and sent us an amazing note of encouragement and prophetic exhortation. She sent the below message on facebook that morning..not knowing what we were going to face that evening.
"Hi Troy......
For Jen................... “And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.” (2 Corinthians 1:10 NLT, 2nd edition)
God is watching over you, so don’t listen to your fears. This is a choice. Trust God, and don’t give in to your fears.
God’s promise to believers is that, no matter what happens to us, he is working for our good — if we love him and follow him (Romans 8:28). If you're a believer, the Bible says all things are working together for good — not that all things are good, but working together for good.
That means we can stop listening to our fears; there is no difficulty, dilemma, defeat, or disaster in the life of a believer that God can’t ultimately get some good out of. There is no need to fear the future.
Your fears reveal where you do not trust God. Today, make a list of your fears, and ask God to help you identify why you have fear in those areas. Then, ask him to help you replace your fears with trust.
Now, this is important: expect God to start helping you learn to trust him with each fear. Then, watch to see how he helps you.
Talk About It
• What fears have you identified?
• Why do you trust God in some areas and not in others?
• When have you seen God come through when you thought he wouldn’t?   "   

We began thanking God for the life He created in Zoe and the purpose she has on this earth...for the glory of God that she will manifest others, and for the healing He will bring. Troy and I experienced a peace, healing, and love during a time of distress and uncertainty. I thank God for that night...for the tears and for the joy of praying through and raw faith that was going to be needed for this journey. He has not disappointed or left us...even as now we are back at the hospital and still do not have a lot of answers to the questions we had that Wednesday, January 11th. We do know that He is faithful and will uphold us through everything. Praise Him.

Our Amazing Zoe Lynn!

Hello Everyone! I apologize for not getting to update this blog until now. It has been quite a journey the past six weeks since Zoe came into our lives. I spent a lot of time during my pregnancy wondering, praying, and wishing she was here and now she is and so the new part of this journey has begun and we've encountered the joy and pain of this road we are now on with her. I finally have a moment to start blogging every part of this experience. Quite a bit has happened and so it will be in little parts....I had to get started before I forgot all the details and all the God has done...He has blessed us, comforted us, strengthened us, and provided for us in every way. We praise Him for all He has done and all He has still yet to do in us and in the life of our little Zoe. She is such a fighter.
      I'm writing this from the hospital once again. She is currently fighting an infection brought on by her shunt. The doctors had to remove it and now she is on an external drain for 10-14 days and then after the infection clears will have another shunt put into place. We knew with the hydrocephalus diagnosis that there are no easy answers or clear directions as to what is going to happen with our child. It is literally a day by day thing that we take to the Lord and have to trust Him with...I go through my days of strong faith and days where I let fear get in my way and wish I could see how this was all going to turn out. I know we've all done this at times in our lives as we go through the valleys and times of unanswered questions or tragedies. In the end, I believe who God is and what He says or I don't and each day I choose to believe He is good, He is love, He is mercy, and He is creator. He is the Alpha and Omega..the beginning and the end. He knows Zoe's beginning and her end and He has created her with powerful purpose. It is not my job to figure everything out...I daily surrender her to the One who made her and knows her more than I do right now. We will love her no matter what and even though it is stressful and painful at times....I trust Him. We've Come This Far By Faith!!!!
    **January 10th began very early for the Archers. I had to be at the hospital by 7 am for a 10 am scheduled c section. We spent the night in Columbus as did Troy's parents. Emma loves motels/hotels. I think she thinks of it as an adventure! She loved having her own pull out bed! We arrived at OSU hospital and began to get settled in to pre op. Emma stayed with Grandma and Papaw in the waiting room. Eventually our Pastor, Michael Bullock arrived as well. He and his wife Kathy and their girls are like family to us and Emma absolutely adores them all. I know he and Kathy kept her entertained as well. My family arrived a little later. Ann and Michelle (my aunt and cousin) are an amazing source of strength and love in my life. We have all been through some extraordinary circumstances together. We've all lost our moms, who were our best friends and supporters and who we miss every day we live here on earth.  They have held me up during many tough times, so I was thankful to have them with me on this important day. Michelle's daughter Erica also came up and brought Emma a Belle doll. Erica is expecting a baby this summer, so we are so excited.
     Troy and I found out that the C Section was delayed due to some emergency surgeries that happened already that morning. One surgery was to deliver a set of triplets!! Whoa...I've thought about that family often since that day and wondered how they were getting along...I was only having one and that was enough for me! Anyway, I was pretty miserable waiting in that pre op room on that not so comfortable bed. I had many people come back and visit me and pray with me, which was a huge comfort. Today was a day I had been thinking and praying about for many months. I was getting ready to meet Zoe and had so many questions and fears. I also had some fear about surgery as well. I wish I could explain all that was going through my head while waiting. I needed peace so badly and as always, the Lord provided that peace in many different ways.   
     Finally, the time came to go back for surgery. I had a wonderful surgery assistant who helped get through the spinal anesthesia. They got me all set up and finally Troy could come in...when I saw him I had such comfort and peace. We are such a good team and I knew that I could do this with him at my side. Dr. Thung came in and everything started. During the procedure, Troy and I sang songs...I'm sure the surgery team probably thought we were crazy, but I didn't care. We sang Because of Who You Are by Martha Munizzi and then Our God by Chris Tomlin. I knew this C section was going to be difficult due to the size of Zoe's head and it took a LONG time to get her out. As we were singing "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us" we heard Dr. Thung say "oh look...she's looking at me" and then we heard her first cry...music to our ears! It was a joyful time, but also a time of uncertainty as they whisked her away to another part of the room. Troy went over to see her and came back and told me she was beautiful and she was ok....her head was very large, but in that moment she was the most beautiful thing we have seen next to our Emma Grace.  They let me see her and kiss her and then they needed to take her to the NICU to start all the tests and exams that would happen before she was transported to Children's Hospital. It seemed like eternity before they were finished with me and then wheeled me back to recovery. The nurses at OSU were so awesome.
   The time finally came for Zoe to be transported to Children's. They brought her to me to see and kiss one last time. Troy brought Emma back and we had a special moment of love and prayer and then she was gone. It was harder than I even imagined, but I knew she was going to be ok. I finally got to go to a room and rest and Troy went with our Pastor and Kathy to follow Zoe and take care of the admission. God brought us through this first day and we were thankful to finally have met our Zoe Lynn. I hope you enjoy these pictures. Some Troy took and the others were taken by my cousin Michelle. She and her husband are professional photographers. They did our wedding pics and have taken beautiful pics of Emma. Their website is http://www.rodenbergerphotography.com/.  I'm so thankful to my inlaws and all who helped us that day!

    

We are ready to meet Zoe Lynn!

      Happy New Year Everyone! I know it is January 8th already, but I am excited for the new year, even with all the unknowns of the days ahead. The Bible tells me time and time again that God is author and creator of everything and He specializes in making all things new.
     The past week has been a hard one in every way. Physically, I am so ready to have a baby. I am huge and miserable in the sense that I can't sleep well and have been having contractions. Emotionally, I have been up and down. Last Thursday, we had a final ultrasound appointment at OSU. Basically, they wanted to do some final measurements before the C-section, so the Dr. had as much information as possible. We were fortunate to meet with our Dr who will be doing the surgery. He explained many things to us, including some very graphic details of my upcoming surgery and made some comments about our little girl that, to be honest, got us very discouraged. It is his job to give us the details, and I don't want anyone to get the impression he was mean or had a horrible bedside manner. It is his job to prepare us and to do what is necessary to deliver our little girl safely. He told us repeatedly how large Zoe's head is, something we knew, but I guess the reality of it just sunk in at that time. He also told us about how the corpus callosum in Zoe's brain is not visible on the images he has seen. This is a group of nerve fibers that connect the left and right side of the brain. He told us that there are many people in the world who do not have this, but after doing a little research, I found that life can be extra difficult for people who do not have this in their brains. To put it bluntly, we felt like crap when we left there. We felt very beat up and discouraged and fearful. I already have been thinking too much about my c-section, so that wasn't good and then hearing things about your little girl that you don't want to hear just made it worse. The past few days however, we have been fighting the fight of faith and getting ready to meet our little girl, no matter what happens. We have been so encouraged by the prayers of our family and friends and we have been reminded that God has the final say about Zoe...He made her and sustains her. We choose to believe in miracles and the power of prayer, not the Dr's report. So spiritually speaking, I am doing more than great. The Holy Spirit is the comforter and peace giver and this is my time to stand strong in my faith and I will not give up. I will speak life and purpose into my daughter's situation and expect great things of my God, no matter what!
    Today, we had such an outpouring of love and prayer at our church. I love our church family...they have walked this journey with us so far and Troy, Emma, and I have been strengthened by their prayers today. Our Pastor's message  gave me a great word to carry with me this week from Matthew 24:13 "But the one who endures to the end will be saved." Now I know this is in the middle of a passage where Jesus is talking about the end times, but the message in general was about standing firm when things are tough and the spiritual battles we face. I was thankful for this word that God gave me that enduring is always easy, but it is worth it! Zoe Lynn will be worth it and we can't wait to meet her and start the new part of this journey. 
     I want to thank everyone for their prayers, support, and words of encouragement. We have been strengthened and prepared for what is to come by you all and we are thankful that in the days to come we will have you praying for us. We are all packed and ready for the hospital and for a stay at the Ronald McDonald House. Emma will be spending some time with Grandma and Papaw and her Auntie Ann and be loved on by lots of friends and new friends to come. We are so BLESSED! I can't even put into words how wonderful it feels to receive such an outpouring of love from our family, friends, church, and Tri Valley School community. Thank you Thank you Thank you! We will do our best to keep everyone updated on Zoe and how we are doing. We will post pictures when we can. We just have a lot more questions than answers right now about how things are going to play out. We are thankful to be in the hands of people at OSU and Nationwide Children's Hospital. So far, they have been more than awesome!  On Tuesday morning, around 10am will have a new little girl to love and cherish and I praise God for bringing her to us. My heart is bursting with anticipation and love more than fear. Thank you again for your love and prayers!!!

Worth It all by Rita Springer 

I Asked You For Life by Kim Walker 

For Unto Us A Child Is Born....

     First of all, I want to wish a very Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! This is such a special and tender time of year. Despite the rush and madness of people shopping for gifts, I think people are a little more compassionate to others and open to the message of Jesus Christ than at any other time of the year. You hear the message of Christ's birth and salvation proclaimed on the radios and in shopping malls, which doesn't happen the other 10-11 months of the year. This truly is my favorite season and time of the year. I know I get that from my mother. She loved Christmas, and for those of you who know me pretty well, know how she passed on to me her love for It's A Wonderful Life. I know it is one of those movies that some people tire of watching and can be overplayed during this season, but I could literally watch it everyday and not get tired of it. We used to watch it at least 3 times at Christmas, right up until she passed away. The movie has such a powerful message that is lost today...that your life matters.... how you live it and how you treat others. Life is a gift and should not be taken lightly. There is power in who you are and what you choose to do and say everyday. I also love that in the movie, George Bailey has all these dreams and plans for his life that never turn out the way he expects. In one way, he sees the absence of these things in his life as a failure and it leads him to confusion and depression. But through it all, he sees that his life is the way that God intended and he has everything he ever REALLY wanted in the end.  This is a good message for all of us, not just at Christmas, but all year long.

      As for an update on Zoe, we finally have a c-section date scheduled for January 10th, 2012 at 10:00am. I can't believe how soon she will be here. It has been a long road and God has been faithful through it all. The last two OSU visits have been encouraging with minimal fluid growth on her brain. She is very healthy and active in every other way and we've gotten many ultrasound pictures that make us even more anxious to meet our little girl. I have hit that stage of pregnancy that can only be described as miserable. My tummy is big and I've been experiencing some pains in my abdomen that have made it very hard to function at times. I ended up going to OSU to have everything checked out and thank God all is fine with Zoe and me. The Drs couldn't really give me an explanation for my pain except muscle stretching and maybe scar tissue pain from my first c section. It was scary, but we left with a little peace of mind to get us through the next two weeks. We even had the blessing of hearing Zoe have the hiccups while I was hooked up to the monitors. It lasted a while, but the Drs told us that hiccups are actually a good sign with a baby like mine. Hiccups mean that her brain, heart, and lungs are all working on the same connection and functioning normally. We have had many little blessings like this along the way that have encouraged us that Zoe is doing fine, despite the hydrocephalus. Of course, we won't know the full affects of everything until she is here and the shunt is put into place. I have been encouraged by many prayer warriors that we love and respect that Zoe is God's hands, which we know. We know that God works miracles all the time and we believe and trust Him for everything!
     At this time of year, and considering that I am 9 months pregnant, I can't help but think of Mary carrying the baby Jesus. Now, she was a lot younger than me, but I can't even imagine hopping on a donkey right now and making a long journey to end up having a baby, naturally mind you---no pain relieving drugs :-), in a stable with animals, and unsure of the future. However, she did have God's promise that Jesus would be great and would save people from their sins. I think that would help, but it had to be so hard, so I will suck up my misery and little pain I'm dealing with for the next two weeks in anticipation of my little one, who I will know will change our lives in such an amazing way. I think of that moment when I will hold her and look into her little face and be overwhelmed with love and thankfulness. How much more did Mary, while doing the same thing, feel the emotion of not only holding her son, but her SAVIOR.  It is pretty mind blowing and humbling.
       I had a good friend send me link a little while back for a song written and performed by the lead singer of Sanctus Real. He and his wife went through a difficult pregnancy and were told that their son had many heart issues and may not live at birth. The song is perfect for describing the emotions of it all and how I feel. I also would like to share some Christmas pics of our family and the most recent ultrasound pic of Zoe. May you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and blessed 2012!
All of Me