Zoe's Journey continued....

     Update on Zoe...as of today we are still at Children's waiting on the new shunt to be put into place. She is still on an external drain and on antibiotics. They are taking fluid samples every 3 days and the neuro team is waiting on clearance from the infectious disease team. Zoe is doing extremely well considering she has only been home 10 days of her 7 weeks. She is a content and peaceful baby, unless you change her diaper or she is hungry :-) I am commuting every day during the week after dropping Emma off at Dee's house or preschool. I am thankful that Emma is doing well and in a routine. I think it has helped her a lot. She asks about Zoe and misses her and we say our prayers for her every night. I can't wait until Zoe comes home so that she can have her baby sister again. Troy went back to school last week and I know it has been hard on him to be away. We are doing the best we can to get through this time in our lives. People ask us how we are doing and it is hard to answer...we are doing ok. This is not normal and if feels like life is kind of suspended a bit. Our faith is our strength and it has helped me so much that I have developed such good relationships at the hospital. These nurses, PCAs, and doctors are angels in our lives and the reason we can sleep at night knowing Zoe is in such loving care. I am continuing to keep my heart and head fixed on God and being thankful for all He has done and is going to do.
   
Here is the continuation of Zoe's journey so far.....

  The day after Zoe's birth was a hard one...I was still recovering from my Csection at OSU and my new daughter was across town waiting on shunt surgery and I couldn't see her! Troy went over with his dad to see her and take care of details. I was so thankful that my in-laws stayed with us in Columbus during this first week to help take care of Emma. I was able to see her and love on her and answer her questions. I was also thankful that Emma could see Zoe. Since that first week, Children's has had visitor restrictions due to flu season and she has not been able to visit Zoe. Anyway, having them helped Emma deal with this entire situation and she got showered with lots of attention! Zoe was in the NICU at Children's and that Wednesday, January 11th, she was kept busy with MRIs, CT scans, and ultrasounds to get ready for her shunt surgery. She had lots of love and attention from the NICU nurses and PCAs. We were also blessed to have a wonderful neonatologist, Dr. Whispe. He is a kind man, with a great sense of humor. He was a former teacher who went to Vietnam as a medic and returned home to become a doctor. He also fell in love with Emma and threatened to take her home because he doesn't have any grandchildren yet. The wonderful nurses took pictures of Zoe for me and sent home a beautiful collage with Troy so that I could see her. We now have it framed in our house. My favorite picture taken that day is below
                                        

 
These are her footprints :-)

What made that day bearable for me was my best friend Suz! She drove up from Dayton to spend the day with me. I can't even begin to explain how much I love, appreciate, and miss her. She is the sister I never had and it would take a novel to describe all that she has done for me and how God has used her in my life. We spent the day talking, laughing, crying, and encouraging each other. I don't know how I would have made it through that day without her. She is one of those people that no matter how long we go without seeing each other, when we do, it's like we never were apart. Suz is my crazy, beautiful, and loving sister in Christ. Here is a pic the nurse took of us...I look awful but that's not the point...my soul and heart were full and after she left I felt stronger and uplifted.

When Troy came back from Children's that night, he did not have encouraging news. Dr. Whispe told him that Zoe might have to have up to 3 shunts put into her tiny head. There was 2 pockets of fluid and a cyst and he could not speculate if there was a lot of brain tissue or if the brain tissue was just compressed by the fluid. There were many unknowns and that night I had a serious crisis of faith. I was overcome with fear that I haven't experienced since my mom's illness and death. Fear of the future, of Zoe's prognosis and life overtook my soul. I have to be honest in saying that I felt like I was being punished for wrongs in my life or that I had done something to deserve what was happening. These are all lies from the enemy...lies meant to paralyze our faith and destroy God's peace and plans in our lives. Troy and I cried out to the Lord together and experienced an intimacy with God and each other like no other time in our lives. This night was a night that we were either going to trust God and what He was doing or deny Him. Denying God is not an option for me...I have seen Him do too much in my life and in others. My good friend and mentor Paula helped me a lot that night over the phone as well and sent us an amazing note of encouragement and prophetic exhortation. She sent the below message on facebook that morning..not knowing what we were going to face that evening.
"Hi Troy......
For Jen................... “And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.” (2 Corinthians 1:10 NLT, 2nd edition)
God is watching over you, so don’t listen to your fears. This is a choice. Trust God, and don’t give in to your fears.
God’s promise to believers is that, no matter what happens to us, he is working for our good — if we love him and follow him (Romans 8:28). If you're a believer, the Bible says all things are working together for good — not that all things are good, but working together for good.
That means we can stop listening to our fears; there is no difficulty, dilemma, defeat, or disaster in the life of a believer that God can’t ultimately get some good out of. There is no need to fear the future.
Your fears reveal where you do not trust God. Today, make a list of your fears, and ask God to help you identify why you have fear in those areas. Then, ask him to help you replace your fears with trust.
Now, this is important: expect God to start helping you learn to trust him with each fear. Then, watch to see how he helps you.
Talk About It
• What fears have you identified?
• Why do you trust God in some areas and not in others?
• When have you seen God come through when you thought he wouldn’t?   "   

We began thanking God for the life He created in Zoe and the purpose she has on this earth...for the glory of God that she will manifest others, and for the healing He will bring. Troy and I experienced a peace, healing, and love during a time of distress and uncertainty. I thank God for that night...for the tears and for the joy of praying through and raw faith that was going to be needed for this journey. He has not disappointed or left us...even as now we are back at the hospital and still do not have a lot of answers to the questions we had that Wednesday, January 11th. We do know that He is faithful and will uphold us through everything. Praise Him.